I've gone right off chocolate since doing this job...

Pass the sick bag its poo eaters night. They are all at it tonight. I told you they come in waves didn’t I?

What the hell is wrong with these people? I mean, what’s the kick? It seems to be different for different callers. One bloke likes me to be so filthy, it makes him dry retch. Honestly. The sound of him retching almost makes me gag in return but I’d never give him the satisfaction.
Its like he wants to be grossed out to the point of being sick. I am sure he has been a couple of times. Its gross, I tell you, gross!

Some callers love it as a domination theme and want the whole toilet slave scenario, licking out the toilet, being locked in the bathroom and having all my dinner guests use their filthy toilet mouth to crap in.

Then there are the callers that seem to think it’s a declaration of love. He loves me so much he is willing to eat my turds. Including those corn and carroty ones.

There has to be a gap in the market for greeting cards related to this subject, surely?

(on the front of card)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love you so much

(on the inside)
I want to chow down on your poo

(the pic on the inside is of a man in a tux holding out a plate with one hand and holding a knife & fork in the other)